New Year’s Eve Special Starring Vanessa Hudgens

My family and I were leaving from a vacation, but we stopped to eat soup at a rental house owned by this Asian family. I didn’t plan to eat the soup, on account of the fact I don’t like soup, and instead spent the time waiting for them by trying to sort jigsaw puzzle pieces back into their proper boxes.

Many people arrived to eat soup (I think it was a family party). I said fuck it and decided to have some, and sat down at a table with Brian Cox his son, who was equal parts Lord Licorice, young Chinese man, Inigo Montoya, all in all a very badass mixture of a person.

Anyway, they were ghosts. I knew they were ghosts because the candles at the table turned ghostly when they sat down. I tried various conversational paths with them, rewinding whenever I somehow fucked up, but eventually Brian Cox overrode my time travel-bility and angrily shoued, “YOU TOOK PHOTOS OF MY DAUGHTER!” which was true. She was also a ghost, and I had taken photos of her earlier, from very far away, as a ghostly figure on a horizon.

This was UNACCEPTABLE, so now their whole family was going to conspire to kill me via that night’s New Year’s Eve televised special thingamajig starring Vanessa Hudgens, who was wearing this sweet fucking mini top hat and a suit she could tear away to reveal a glittering red ballgown underneath. I think she was the daughter of the family?

I think my family was in the audience for this event but they had no idea I was going to be ritually executed. During the time the special was airing, while backstage, I either had to confront to Lord Inigo Montoya Licorice (and get killed), or his brother, possessed doll-looking Joker (and get killed). Each had their own dungeon you had to get through to reach them. These possible confrontations were scheduled at the same time, so I could only pick one. My plan was to complete one encounter without getting murdered and then rewind and do the same for the other (gotta get that 100% dream completion ;>), so basically The Sexy Brutale but cooler.

I was very distraught because Lord Inigo Montoya Licorice was my childhood idol and now he was trying to kill me. Probably because I’m an edgelord and did an amazing job plyaing Telltale’s Batman Season 2, I decided the Joker would be easier to win over.

The Joker’s room was full of traps, including just literal walls full of guns that shot you as you approached, thousands of metal dragonflies, and flamenco cheerleaders in all different colors who could only attack using spin kicks. I managed to duck under them and reach the Man Himself, ready to make my case, but his eyes were glowing with ill intent.

“I will kill you now!” he said.

“no” I said

“I loved you,” he replied, “but I cannot have u because [something something my brother], so now I have to murder you.”

“But Joker,” I cried, “I love YOU!” and then we made out before I woke up.

The moral of the story is that Plasterbrain can seduce any fictional villain she sets her mind to.

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